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Milk Signature Assortment

Milk/Dark Signature Assortment

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I really don’t feel like stuffing a pillowcase with goose feathers one by one again.

Packaging
Any packaging that has the word chocolate written on it that many times can’t possibly be bad. Oddly enough, they only say the word marshmallow a few times and the word almond even less. Come to think of it, marshmallow isn’t even the first thing that comes to my mind when I see this. Peanut brittle immediately springs forward at the sight of this picture. Now there’s a treat I haven’t had for ages. I think I’m permanently scarred from eating it ever since those diabolical “Snake in The Peanut Brittle Tin” prank that were so popular back in the day. Oh sure, it’s SOOOO much fun to see your “friend” sobbing in a corner because you’ve just ruined their appetite for the brittle until the end of time. It also reminds me of “Little Brittle” from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. For those who don’t know the legendary tale of Mc.Pee Pants, allow me to school you in the trade. You see, the Pee Pants took on many forms. First, as a giant spider. Then, as as giant cow. And finally, as an elderly gentleman known as Little Brittle who seems to be perpetually hooked up to some sort of life support system in a New Jersey hospital. Hospitals are such an odd place to visit. On the one hand, you have the whole life saving aspect of it all. But on the other, dozens of people die there every day. Working in that environment for any amount of time would probably kill any sense of humanity one would have. Like Dr.Cox from Scrubs. He’s a complete and total jerk to people but deep down he cares. He can’t ever show his caring side because that shows he has vulnerabilities and goes against his whole teaching philosophy. It’s all about the fear for Sir Perry Cox. I will admit, there have been many times when I’ve just wanted to give him a giant bear hug and allow him to feel what it’s like to care again. I know exactly how that would end though.

Good thing I’m already in a hospital because Coxxy would put me in the emergency ward.

Taste, Texture, And Consistency
Clouds. That’s the only word I can think of that would even begin to give these treats any sense of justice. I have not been to a pool in years, so seeing a pool of chocolate as I did with these treats gave me an immeasurable pleasure. Who among us has not dreamed of doing a breaststroke in a 100 foot Olympic sized pool filled to the brim with the finest liquid cocoa concoctions Brazil can churn out? That’s one place I’ve always been conflicted about going to. From the pictures I’ve seen, the women are absolute Goddesses. But from an episode of The Simpsons I’ve seen, it looks like there is an enormous amount of poverty there. Those beaches though man, that might make the whole thing worth it. Not to mention, I’ve always wanted to go to an authentic Brazilian steakhouse. Here in Chicago, we do have quite a few of places that call themselves Brazilian steakhouses, but I want to experience the real thing. That way, I can come back to the states and point out all the little things they might have missed. Although, I suppose they couldn’t legally call themselves that unless they went through some sort of certification processes. That would be a dream job right there, tasting food for a living. Close to what I do now except I would expand my taste buds to other dishes besides dessert. Have I ever reviewed a cheesecake on the show?

Time to call Sara Lee and see if they’ll hire me to be their official cheesecake consultant.

Overall
A light and fluffy trip down memory lane. I’d say this is worth picking up for anybody who wants one of the most interesting texture combinations I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting. Definitely pick it up guys!